American Sentences 2007

What are American Sentences?

1.19.07 – Get it in your mouth, not sure if you should swallow or not – oyster.

1.24.07 – The look on RR’s dream face when the army crushes a piano.

1.25.07 – David fantasizing: I wonder what she looks like without her celphone.

1.28.07 – Jeff, back from Massachusetts where he avoided the Sandwich Police.

2.09.07 – Steve’s Civil Service motto: Why work for an asshole when you can be one?

2.18.07 – No one found Vincenzo dead in front of blaring TV for a year.

2.19.07 – I’m fixated on my spiritual quest when not torturing the cat.

3.03.07 – He comes back from Vegas with a cold – that’s not a cold, it’s an STD.

3.04.07 – After I got her email, I pulled the extra pillow from my bed.

3.07.07 – Her father dies and she has to go out and get her hair tinted.

3.08.07 – Rebecca says I was drinking green tea before any of you Crackers.

4.05.07 – They want a stool sample, what a load of crap! No Pop, it’s just a smidge.

4.05.07 – The sign at dairy queen says: New Flamethrower Chicken Now Hiring.

4.08.07 – Tell Richard I’m laying off women – he says You gonna wear the patch?

4.18.07 – Each from our respective cars watching her tennis game, the ex- & I.

4.28.07 – “Charlie Potts, want to be the Poet Laureate?” No, I read the job description.

5.02.07 – If he would just start using his heart he wouldn’t need that machine.

5.09.07 – Cel phones or pollination – honey bees would rather die than listen.

5.16.07 – Ma before the Wednesday pillbox – Cholesterol or Tranquilizer?

6.10.07 – She says they rebuild New Orleans w/o black people – white beans & rice.

6.19.07 – Jeff Graves missed rendezvous w/ his girl – resting below a cliff, in peace.

6.20.07 – Secret agents pursue in snow forcing me to hold my breath in dreams.

6.26.07 – Boss gives me a Welcome to the College gift – Alcatraz potholder.

7.03.07 – Hour’s wages shot up in three sparkly minutes – Happy Independence Day!

7.04.07 – Cat corpse on sidewalk, rabbit corpse on the bike trail – Happy Independence Day!

7.24.07 – Morning sun reflects off sidewalk slug trails as I drag my ass into work.

7.26.07 – I told you I don’t have time on my phone, that’s why I keep hangin’ up on you!

7.31.07 – Sign of age? She puts on vanilla perfume, I wonder who’s got cake.

8.09.07 – Wallingford karaoke singer does Coldplay’s Yellow, gets beat up.

8.27.07 – If you can crawl out your chair to get on her man, you can take a beatin’.

9.07.07 – That’s an experience I’ve never had he says, nose full of menstrual blood.

9.08.07 – Good thing I cleaned the kitchen floor shiny target on which the cat could urp.

9.17.07 – Graffiti on an old fridge in New Orleans: Make Levees, not War.

9.22.07 – She’s a joy and we’ll miss her terribly here in the heart center.

10.02.07 – At the spot where my car was totaled, five years later, a traffic circle.

10.21.07 – Pop tells Barb: You don’t have to be nice to her today, it’s not her birthday.

10.22.07 – She pulled a tornado out the back of my skull – it was relaxing.

10.31.07 – Josephina says she’s going to give Trick-or-Treaters cebollas.

11.05.07 – Distracted, I can’t get by the cat urp before it becomes a hot lunch.

11.07.07 – Proposed epitaph: Liked to applaud to the rhythm of The Tin Man.

11.16.07 – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder at Lowe’s – Rotorwash of ceiling fans.

11.17.07 – This piece of free-range chicken may be live, would taste better w/ floor dirt.

11.20.07 – On the beach he skidded to a stop & then someone sucked out his heart.

11.27.07 – Yesterday doctors gave Dick Cheney shock treatment on the wrong organ.

12.02.07 – Who new it would be more than just syntax the President would torture?

12.04.07 – When Janet warns Julie: Don’t blow your per capita – Instant Bitch Lips.

12.19.07 – His T-shirt said: Vegetarian is Indian for Bad Hunter.

12.21.07 – Serial form lends itself to Andoumboulous liminality.